Baroline
by MTGlass
Summary: Black Books and Green Wing crossover What if Caroline wasn’t kidding about having a twin sister Baroline? And what that twin changed her name to Fran Katzenjammer? See how things progress when East Hampton hospital meet the world of Black Books.
1. Chapter 1

Baroline

(Black Books and Green Wing crossover) What if Caroline wasn't kidding about having a twin sister Baroline? And what that twin changed her name to Fran Katzenjammer? See how things progress when East Hampton hospital meet the world of Black Books.

Chapter one: Not a "normal" day

Bernard walked back into his shop after 3 weeks of holidays in who-knows-where to see his two companions drinking at the desk. "There still here the bastards" he thought. He was now unrecognisable. His hair cut, his suit now white, and his socks removable from his shoes. However, Fran and Manny knew it was him instantly.

"What happened Bernard? You look like you were attacked by a makeover show" Fran said circling him with curiosity.

"Beardo that's what happened" he shouted "I am now mature on the other hand" Fran and Manny dropped their wine glasses to hear it smash the floor.

"You STILL can't be angry over that. And WHEN have YOU been mature?" replied Fran

"I am now and I am never going to drink again"

Both started to drop their mouths in disbelief. Bernard? Never drink again? NEVER!

"I was put into rehab after the filth caught me trying to control those contraptions they call cars there"

"Where?"

"USA and now could you kindly leave before I start to get angry and hit you with your bottle of toxins" Fran and a still silent Manny rushed outside.

"B-B-B-B-B Bernards now insane!" Manny screamed then shook his head

"Sorry…MORE insane" he finished. Fran was pacing back and forth trying to think what to do. She needed some help. Someone who could make anyone drink. And she wasn't happy about it. It meant she would have to do something she hoped she would never do.

"We need to find my sister"

Caroline was now driving to work. Guy Valerie Sercretan was sitting next to her listening to another Queen song he insisted on putting on. She was sick of it. Nothing went right with her in love. When she had the chance to be with Mac it was taken away by Holly. "The bitch" she thought as they reached the entranceway. She stopped the car and just relaxed in the position she was driving in for the last 10 minutes. Guy was still ridiculously dancing to the annoying song that played. He hadn't seemed to have noticed. She couldn't believe she agreed on letting him stay with her. Everything was going wrong with her. That was always the case: Poor old Caroline, the one who is always in sticky situations. Now it was getting worse. She saw the last thing she would imagine come and drive into the carpark. She walked out of the car ignoring Guy and strolled over to the astra. Two people were in it: A woman and a bearded man. She knew one of them.

"Sister" she said to the woman.

"Sister" she replied to her and got out. They hugged each other... course neither of them meaned it. "Crap, Crap, Crap" she thought


	2. Time to CatchUp forgotten chap1 stuff

Chapter two: Catch-up time (what I forgot to put in chapter one sorry)

Bafore-hand

"You didn't say you had a sister" said Manny in shock

"You never asked!"

Manny and Fran stopped. They heard Bernard "singing"

"Hey, nonny nonny I'm clean and not groanning and I say to you IDIOTS GET OFF MY PROPERTY!!"

"Can't you just pull his hair or shout at him like you normally do?" whispered Manny

"No, we need an expert at drinking and being unhealthy when depressed to help here."

"So what does your sister do?"

"Ohh...she's a...i think she's a doctor at the moment. I don't know. Haven't talked in ages But first we need to get Bernard into the car"

"Oh, leave that to me" Manny said. Manny entered the house and after five minutes of ruffed noises and shouts, Bernard came out of the shop following Manny

"When I say now open the trunk" she whispered. Fran nodded.

"Alright monkey man, give me what ya got!" Bernard shouted as he jumped around with his fists in the air. Fran looked at Manny unwillingly. Bernard charged. Manny flinched and stepped out of the way screaming "Now!"

Fran wasn't paying attention and said to Manny "what?"

Manny couldn't reply. He was running down the street.

Fran was fed up. She grabbed Bernards hair and pulled him to the car

"Bernard. Get in the trunk"

"NOOOOOOPPPE!"

Fran pulled tighter

"ohohohkay" and Bernard went into the trunk. Fran heard a muffled voice

"But after you do your mafia voodoo, I will get the filth on you and you will have to go to REHAB and meet shergar!"

"Yeah well, Bernard by the time we finish this "mafia voodoo" you will be hopefully too drunk to remember" she said "MANNY! we have to go!"

Fran saw a figure in the distance curling on the ground looking like it was using an asmatic inhaler vigorisly.

"Oh dear"

--

Now in the car, Fran had to figure out where her sister was. And that was no easy task, Especially when Manny was asking questions

"SO is she younger or oh...more or less mature?"

"Uh...less but not much."

"Is she married?"

"Last time I checked she wasn't but it is not like she wouldn't without telling me. NOW! Here we are"

They both heard noises from the trunk.

" WHere are we?"

"My brothers house. He can tell us what's happening"

"You have a BROTHER as well? How many siblings do you have?"

"Just the two. Why don't you go and figure out where she is and I will get a drink"

"Hey why do YOU get toget a drink? SHe's YOUR sister"

"But YOUR the one who bernard is angry at"

Good point

One or three drinks later

"The house was empty but a guy across the street said that a female doctor who works at east hampton hospital lives there with some new doctor she knows lodging there with her. He said she helped him when he broke his neck or when she broke his neck or something."

"Well I think to east hampton is the way to go"

"How's Bernard?"

"Oh fine I think. There's a hole there for him to breathe. Let's go"

While this was happening, a little eye looked out of the trunk and around quickly.

--Back to where we left off--

"Crap. Crap. Crap" thought Caroline

Fran stepped out of the car and placed a wig on her head and Manny's hangover sunglasses. Manny was pointing to and from the two sisters in shock.

"What are you doing here? 5 years you turn up. This is the last thing I need. I have a hangover the size of a sumo wrestler on my head at the moment"

"Listen to me Caro. I have a friend and he needs help and you being a doctor can help"

"Is that him?" Caroline said pointed loooking at Manny

"No" and suddenly a huge noise came from the trunk. Caroline opened it slowly then

"Ah ha Fran! Say peanuts now!"

Bernard grabbed her hair and yanked it.

"Bernard I'M fran" Fran said pulling her diguise down

"W-wh-wh-what? well who's this your clone?"

"No my sister. caroline meet bernard and bernard meet my sister caroline"

Bernard let go of the hair smoothed back his own with his hand.

Caroline heard Fran whisper in her ear

"Bernard isn't drinking"

"SO?"

"Bernard gets...a bit weird when he doesn't drink. I need you to sort it out"

"How do I do that. Nah I won't"

"Two bottles of gin and a favour"

"Deal"

And so the sisters shook hands

To be continued...Sadly


End file.
